Just A Little Longer
Tomorrow I have a haircut appointment. People who know me well will understand that this is all I’ve been thinking about for the past 24 hours. When I’m bagging groceries, I’m actually thinking about how short I dare to cut it. When I’m stocking the organic rustic tunisian olive oil I’m actually trying to decide if I wanna ride out the blonde look or go back to my original color in preparation for the Fall. When I’m making barely intelligible small talk with a hot customer I’m most worried about if guys like him like side ponies or not.
I’m kind of a mess about it. I think most people know that my hair is super important to me, probably based on the number of times I twirl it in a hour, but I don’t think many people understand WHY these thousands of dead cells hanging off my head mean so much to me.
To me, my hair represents completely embracing myself for who I am. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to fit into molds that weren’t made for me, because I thought the only way to be happy was to be a different person than who I was. I decided that I needed to grow into someone who loves myself for who I am. So I decided to let my hair grow on the outside to match the growth I wanted on the inside.
The way that my hair blows in the wind when I’m biking down a huge hill. The way it provides me an opportunity to adorn myself in flowers and other plant life. The way it wildly dances with me at concerts. My hair is like a visible aura. It even curls when I’m happy and hangs lifelessly when I’m depressed.
My hair has been growing with me through friendships, lovers, triumphs and unforgettable adventures. It’s also been growing through the falling outs, breakups, utter failures, and times of extreme loneliness and loss. There is a reason for the trope of women cutting their hair after a bad breakup. It’s because your hair is the one part of you can completely cut away and start fresh with. Although I’m not sure I want to cut away the good memories just to spare myself the pain of the old ones.
The appointment is tomorrow at 4:00 so I have quite a bit of time to mull it over. My friend said that people who cut their hair often are people who don’t fear change, and that it might be a good way to transition into my new life. I’m considering it, but I also am extremely happy with who I am right now… I wanna see how much more I can grow.